As You Wish Chapter Three: Life Is Pain
This is chapter three! To start reading from the beginning, check out Chapter One: True Love
Summary:
Warlock rarely got sick, all illnesses passing him by as though he was wholly immune, but today he felt surprisingly ill. Since his parents are at work and Nanny is on her honeymoon it’s up to his Nana Agnes to stay with him. Much more interested in video games than books, he is surprised to find himself enthralled in the book she has decided to read aloud.
—
Do you not know? True love is ineffable. Death cannot stop it, only delay it for a while.
A classic tale of true love, ineffability, adventure, and miracles. You might think you know the story, but there is more to this edition of The Princess Bride than meets the eye.
Chapter Preview:
The Man in Black crested over a hill and was surprised— or unsurprised, it was rather hard to tell with him— to find a picnic laid out. Princess Aziraphale sat munching on an apple, while Sandalphon laid unconscious on the grass beside her, his hands and feet bound in rope.
“Please, join us.” Aziraphale smiled at the Man in Black, as he approached cautiously. “I was just waiting for my abductor here to wake up. Would you like a glass of wine? It’s not a brilliant vintage, but it will do.”
Author’s Note: Here we go with chapter three! 😊
Chapter Three: Life is Pain
The Man in Black slowed as he approached the series of boulders. He had not gotten this far in life simply by rushing into dangerous situations. The world was far too cruel for that. Still, he was startled when a large rock smashed against the boulder in front of him. Jumping back, he looked towards the source of the crash. There stood the giant woman, holding another large rock in her hand.
“I did that on purpose.” The woman had a sweet smile, an honest one. “I did not have to miss.”
“I can see that, what happens now?”
“Why are you wearing such dark glasses?” the woman asked curiously, leaning up against another large boulder.
“Well, they’re very comfortable. I’m sure everyone will be wearing them in the future.” the Man in Black shrugged, but the hand gripping the hilt of his sword was tense.
“We face each other as She intended. Sportsmanlike. No weapons, no tricks, just skill against skill alone.” Maggie replied, holding her arms out wide in a welcoming gesture.
The Man in Black snorted, his grip on his sword more relaxed, though just as strong. “So, you’ll put down your rock, I’ll put down my sword, and we try to kill each other like civilized people?”
Maggie nodded with a small smile. “Or I could kill you now?”
“Quite frankly, I think the odds are slightly more in your favor when it comes to hand-to-hand combat, but I’ve never been one to resist a challenge.” the Man in Black set aside his sword as Maggie tossed her rock to break apart harmlessly on the boulder behind her.
“It’s not my fault being the biggest and the strongest.” Maggie cracked her knuckles and rolled back her shoulders. “I don’t even exercise.”
They stood facing each other silently for a moment before the Man in Black lunged forward in attack. Despite executing a number of offensive moves that had dispatched many an enemy, she found that Maggie barely moved from her spot standing solidly on the ground.
Panting, the Man in Black stood back again before crossing their arms. “Are you just messing about with me or what?”
“I just want you to feel like you are doing well.” Maggie shrugged. “I always hate for people to die embarrassed.” Suddenly Maggie lunged for him, but the Man in Black managed to easily dart out of the way. He was used to moving light on his feet, and slipped past Maggie easily. “You’re quick,” she grunted.
“And a good thing too,” the Man in Black quipped, darting around her once more.
The next time that Maggie lunged for him, the man in black slipped behind her to cling to her back, locking Maggie into a headlock. Despite her talk, Maggie was struggling to subdue the Man in Black. She was much more used to fighting off multiple people at once— remaining focused on one man was surprisingly difficult. So perhaps it was not a surprise when the blockage of her airways caused her to lose consciousness.
The Man in Black climbed off of Maggie’s back and crouched down next to her, making sure that the giant was actually unconscious but still alive. Sighing, he retrieved his sword before looking down at Maggie again. “I don’t envy you the headache you will have when you awake. But, in the meantime, rest well … and dream of whatever you like best.” The Man in Black’s lips formed a kind of pained smile before he shook himself and darted off along the path that Sandaphon and Aziraphale had taken.
—
“There was… a mighty duel.”
Prince Gabriel was darting around the rock formation that had housed Nina’s fight with the Man in Black, not that he knew whose footprints he was examining. He was accompanied by Count Beelzebub and a number of loyal soldiers. The Count privately thought that the Prince looked ridiculous, but there was no harm in humoring the man.
“Yes, but who won? How did it end?” They asked with polite interest in their voice. Or rather, it could have been interpreted as polite interest, but there was another, more sinister edge to it.
“The loser ran off alone… the winner followed those footprints toward Guilder!” Beelzebub fought to not roll their eyes at Gabriel’s theatrics.
“Shall we track them both?”
“The loser is nothing! Only the Princess matters. Clearly this was all planned by warriors of Guilder! We must be ready for whatever lies ahead.” The Prince jumped back up on his horse, and Beelzebub once again had to remind themself that while some things had gone amiss, this was all part of the plan.
“Could this be a trap?” they suggested.
“I always think everything could be a trap — Which is why I’m still alive.”
—
The Man in Black crested over a hill and was surprised— or unsurprised, it was rather hard to tell with him— to find a picnic laid out. Princess Aziraphale sat munching on an apple, while Sandalphon laid unconscious on the grass beside her, his hands and feet bound in rope.
“Please, join us.” Aziraphale smiled at the Man in Black, as he approached cautiously. “I was just waiting for my abductor here to wake up. Would you like a glass of wine? It’s not a brilliant vintage, but it will do.”
The Man in Black swaggered over to meet her, and sat with her across the table.
“Well, this is a nice setup you have here. And what is the occasion?” the Man in Black asked curiously. “I must say that I am in quite the hurry.”
“Oh?” Aziraphale asked. “And what is the hurry?”
“Well, I thought myself to be rescuing you, but it seems that you have done most of that yourself. Did he tell you anything useful?” the Man in Black asked, gesturing toward Sandalphon with his wine glass.
“Unfortunately not.” Aziraphale sighed. “But I was able to find and steal the wine he had stashed here. All I’ve really discovered is that he wished to start a war with my death.” She took a sip of the wine and gestured for the Man in Black to do the same. He raised an eyebrow at her and she rolled her eyes before snatching his glass, taking another sip, and handing it back.
“It’s not poisoned. I just would like to talk.”
“And I would rather you die!” The shout came from beside them. While Aziraphale and the Man in Black had been evaluating each other, Sandalphon had broken free of his ties and grabbed the knife that Aziraphale had laid on the table. Before he could reach her, however, the Man in Black stabbed him in the throat. Aziraphale and the Man in Black stared at the body for a number of seconds before he hastily wiped the blood off of his sword and resheathed it before grabbing her hand.
“Who are you?” Aziraphale demanded as the Man in Black pulled her away from the scene.
“I am no one to be trifled with, that is all you ever need know.”
The Man in Black pulled her more insistently as he began to run across the mountain top.
—
Prince Gabriel was kneeling on the ground beside the boulders where Maggie had fought the Man in Black.
“Someone has beaten a giant! There will be great suffering in Guilder if she dies.” The Prince scowled as he stood and swung himself up onto his horse once more.
—
Aziraphale was breathing heavily as she stumbled after the Man in Black. She was starting to form a proper suspicion about who exactly he was, and she did not like it.
“Catch your breath.” The Man in Black’s tone was harsh, but there was an almost soft underside to it. Aziraphale did not stop to wonder what it was. Maybe she should have.
“If you’ll release me … whatever you ask for ransom … you’ll get it, I promise you…” Aziraphale gasped. She still had her knife, though she was down to just her original as Sandalphon’s had been left behind.
“Oh and what is your word worth? Truly?” The Man in Black scoffed. Aziraphale stilled before anger truly began to fill her. How dare he? After what he had done.
“I was giving you a chance.” Aziraphale spat. “No matter where you take me … there’s no greater hunter than Prince Gabriel. He could track a falcon on a cloudy day. He can find you.” She could also rid herself of the Man in Black well before that. But there was no use in laying all of her cards on the table.
“You think your dearest love will save you?” The Man in Black sneered, and Aziraphale squared her shoulders.
“I never said he was my dearest love. And yes, he will save me, that I know.” Aziraphale replied with cold eyes, readying herself to fight. She did not need a man to save her in the first place, but if it lowered the Man in Black’s guard than all the better.
“You admit to me you do not love your fiance?” The Man in Black’s tone was curious, and… hopeful? But that was nonsense.
“He knows I do not love him.” Aziraphale replied carefully. She still did not even know why this man was here, why he had gone through all the trouble to find her.
“Are not capable of love, is what you mean.” The Man in Black was scowling, and despite the harshness of his words there was also an element of pain to them.
“I have loved more deeply than a killer like yourself could ever dream.” Aziraphale growled in response.
The Man in Black was silent for a long moment before his scowl resettled and he grabbed Aziraphale’s arm again to start running once more.
—
Prince Gabriel and Count Beelzebub brought their horses to a halt, their soldiers slowing behind them. They had come across the makeshift picnic, along with Sandalphon’s body. The Prince and the Count shared a significant look. The Prince swung himself off of his horse to examine the body more closely.
“He was killed with a sword. Likely by the same person who fought the others… And there are the Princess’ footprints. She is alive … or was, an hour ago. If she is otherwise when I find her, I shall be very put out.” Gabriel leaped back onto his horse and they took off once more.
—
“Rest, An— Highness.” The path Aziraphale had been taking with the Man in Black had led them to the edge of an almost sheer ravine. Its floor was flat, but the drop was sharp and severe. She sat on a nearby rock, now sure that she knew exactly who the man was.
“I know who you are, your cruelty reveals everything.” She glared at him, but he said nothing, his face completely impassive. “You’re the Dread Pirate Lucifer. Admit it!”
“With pride.” The man bowed mockingly. “What can I do for you?”
“You can die slowly, cut into a thousand pieces.” Aziraphale returned angrily.
The Man in Black tutted before replying. “Hardly complimentary, Your Highness. Why loose your venom on me?”
“You killed my love.” All of the fight seemed to drain out of Aziraphale. What was the point? Crowley was gone, and his murderer was in front of her, but hurting him would not bring Crowley back.
“It’s possible; I kill a lot of people. Who was this love of yours? Another Prince, like this one, ugly, rich, and scabby?” Lucifer’s tone was mockingly casual, and for a moment it reminded her of Crowley.
“No, a farm girl. Poor. Poor and perfect. With eyes like the golden sunset.” Aziraphale’s tone was distant as she stared away from the pirate, lost in memories. She might have cried, if there had been any tears left in her. She pursed her lips together and closed her eyes tightly before turning once more to Lucifer.
“On the high seas, your ship attacked, and the Dread Pirate Lucifer never takes prisoners.”
“I can’t afford to make exceptions.” Lucifer sighed, waving his hand in the air as if to demonstrate. “Once word leaks out that a pirate has gone soft, people begin to disobey you, and then it’s nothing but work, work, work, all the time. A pirate can get into a lot of trouble doing the right thing.”
“You mock my pain!” Aziraphale shouted in outrage. Some of the fight was beginning to return to her.
“Life is pain, Highness.” The man spat. “Anyone who says otherwise is selling something. Though come to think of it, I think I might remember this farm girl of yours. This would have been, what, five years ago?”
Aziraphale nodded, suddenly unable to speak, all the words caught in her throat.
“Does it bother you to hear?” Was that care in his voice? Aziraphale could not tell. She looked away from him, out at the ravine down below.
“Nothing you can say will upset me.” she replied stiffly. This was patently untrue, but she wanted to know. She needed to know.
“She died well, that should please you. No bribe attempts or blubbering. She simply said, “Please. Please, I need to live.” It was the “please” that caught my memory.” Lucifer faltered for a moment before continuing. “I asked her what was so important for her. “True love,” she replied. And then she spoke of a girl of surpassing beauty and faithfulness. I can only assume she meant you.” The pirate’s tone changed from one that was almost fond to a near snarl. “You should bless me for destroying her before she found out what you really are.”
“And what am I?” Aziraphale asked with cold, false, calm.
“Faithfulness she talked of, madam. Your enduring faithfulness.” He continued bitterly. “Now, tell me truly. When you found out she was gone, did you get engaged to your prince that same hour, or did you wait a whole week out of respect for the dead?” Aziraphale stood angrily, coming chest to chest with the man. She noticed that they were nearly of a height, which almost surprised her.
“You mocked me once, never do it again! I died that day!” Aziraphale shouted. The man’s mouth opened as if he were going to say something, but in that second he was distracted at the sound of horses and a dust cloud in the distance.
“You can die too for all I care!” Aziraphale snarled, and with that said pushed the man over the edge of the ravine. As he fell, he shouted, and it was with a start that Aziraphale realized that his voice had raised to a more familiar pitch. The words he was saying were just as familiar. Aziraphale’s heart plummeted as she registered the words.
As You Wish.