stay calm. it will be okay. you have my word. Episode Eight: Your Lovin’ Is All I Think About
This is episode eight! To start reading from the beginning, check out Pilot : The Season Two Ending We Deserved
Story Summary
Turn off “The Reality War” at 40:15 and start here instead. This is the story of what happened after—the story where the Doctor, Bel, and their extraordinary daughter Poppy get to live the life they deserve.
It’s about finding family across time and space. It’s the Doctor and Bel co-parenting like the besties they are, Poppy growing up splitting her time between 21st-century London and the far-future of the Preservation Alliance, and a Sanctuary Moon fanclub that spans across the universe. It’s Rogue getting the ending he deserves, Jenny finding her fathers, Murderbot reluctantly acquiring more humans, and a universe where love, in all its forms, is the most powerful weapon we have.
This is a fusion-fix-it full of gratuitous wish fulfillment, because sometimes the best way to heal is to rewrite the story. 💕💕
Episode Excerpt:
He looked around the ballroom again, his eyes catching on the Doctor once more. The Duchess approached them, as Rogue knew she would, and led Ruby away. Rogue’s eyes caught the Doctor’s, and there was that jolt of electricity between them again. That lightning under his skin. He looked away, unable to bear looking at the Doctor again when he knew that the other man knew nothing of him.
Notes:
Hi there, I know I’m late which if you think about it is very on brand for Doctor Who…
Truly I do apologize; the Marvel brainrot took hold for a bit there but I’M BACK. Don’t forget that this fic has been entirely outlined so it will all get published eventually, pinky swear.
Many many thanks as always to Fire_Phoenix2305 and tinysugacube y’all have been my rocks when it comes to bringing this fic to life and to Marvin for his official seal of approval!!!
Episode Five: Preservation
It was 1813 on the planet Earth, and a lively party was under way at the Pemberton Estate. Inside the manor house, Rogue stood on a balcony overlooking the ballroom, his eyes roaming over the many wealthy dancers in all their finery. There was a bitter taste in his mouth knowing that as the people here gorged themselves, most of the population outside the walls of the estate were living in abject poverty.
His distaste was at war with his boredom as his gaze wandered, only to become transfixed with one of the dancing couples. A gorgeous man was twirling a young woman, both of their faces filled with a nearly infectious joy. There was an energy to the man in particular, stirring something in Rogue’s soul that he had thought died with Art. He instantly felt the need to be closer to the man.
There was a small commotion behind him, and Rogue turned to find, much to his surprise, himself standing in the hallway, a young woman beside him.
“Who are you, and why do you look like me?” Rogue demanded with a hiss as he exited the ballroom and backed the other Rogue into the wall.
“Whoa, hold your horses there, dad,” the girl exclaimed, placing herself as a barrier between Rogue’s two selves.
“Dad?” the Rogue said in confusion. “I’m not anyone’s dad. Who are you people? Chulder cannot take someone’s form unless they are dead.”
“Well, that’s just rude. Just because you aren’t my dad yet, doesn’t mean you won’t be in the future,” she pouted.
“Jenny, please try to give my past self some grace, he’s going through not a small bit of shock. You’re still my daughter. Just, give him some space. We shouldn’t be here,” the other Rogue… the Elder Rogue? explained.
“You’re me… from the future? Why are you here?” Rogue demanded. “This was supposed to be a routine op. What’s so special about tonight that you’ve come back?”
“Well, to be fair, you weren’t supposed to see us,” Jenny pointed out. “The manipulator sent us to a very inconvenient place. As soon as this is over we need to have a serious conversation with River about this mixup,” Jenny huffed.
“Calling it a ‘mix-up’ feels like an understatement. Time shouldn’t be messed with like this,” Rogue the Elder told her, uneasily. “This feels familiar, but not in a way that—” Rogue the Elder suddenly stopped speaking, collapsing as though his strings were cut. On instinct Rogue the Younger went to steady him. Then there was a flash, and suddenly only Rogue the Younger remained. Or was he?
“Dad, what happened, are you—”
“Jenny, it’s okay,” they were both kneeling on the ground. Rogue felt woozy but he also felt like… himself. His older self, though he could feel echoes of the younger Rogue within him. “The timeline didn’t like having two of me. Somehow my younger self and I have combined.”
“OK, you’re saying that like it’s not extremely stressful news for me to hear. What are we supposed to do now? The plan was to approach the Doctor after everything that was supposed to happen tonight happens. What now?”
“Maybe… maybe this is what was supposed to happen, Jen. People are going to die tonight, people who don’t have to. We can fix everything,” Rogue insisted.
“Can we now?” Jenny asked, skeptically.
Rogue scowled at her and she scowled back. Expressions flitted back and forth between their faces, unspoken communication conveying their emotions. Rogue ultimately turned away from Jenny and back over to the balcony.
He looked around the ballroom again, his eyes catching on the Doctor once more. The Duchess approached them, as Rogue knew she would, and led Ruby away. Rogue’s eyes caught the Doctor’s, and there was that jolt of electricity between them again. That lightning under his skin. He looked away, unable to bear looking at the Doctor again when he knew that the other man knew nothing of him.
The Doctor departed from the dance floor; Rogue knew he would be up there any moment.
“Dad, don’t do this, please,” Jenny warned.
“Just let me have this, Jen, alright?” Rogue asked. “Now, he’s going to be here any minute. Do you want to—”
“Not like this,” Jenny shook her head, and ducked into the hallway, narrowly avoiding her dad. Both of them. This was going to be a disaster.
“Brooding. Good look. Do you practice in a mirror?” The Doctor teased. Rogue’s heart was in his throat. “Bit more like a frown, maybe. Like this?” The Doctor suddenly had the most devastated look on his face, and Rogue drifted closer to the Doctor almost without realizing. This Doctor had no idea who he was.
“You know, I came up here to be alone,” Rogue said. It was not what he wanted to say. What he wanted to say was something along the lines of: I love you. I miss you. I’ve been raising your daughter and we both want to know you. Do you still have my ring? I want to give you everything.
The Doctor was nevertheless confident in his approach, shortening the distance between them. “Oh, I can see that. You’ve got the perfect vantage point of this room, all the exits visible, everyone within your sight. It’s almost like you’re expecting trouble,” the Doctor replied, clearly delighted. There was another jolt of electricity as their arms touched. “You know, I can help you,” the Doctor continued. Rogue could feel the Doctor’s breath on his skin. “Trouble, I am goo—” before he could complete the sentence, Rogue had backed the Doctor into the hallway and was kissing him.
The Doctor could not help but be surprised, but nevertheless found himself responding enthusiastically. This was not at all typical 1813 behavior, but what was he here for if not a little bit of fun?
—
The third time that Rogue kissed the Doctor almost as soon as he met him was when he realized that something had truly gone wrong. It always seemed to happen the same. He would meet his past self and they would become one, Jenny would storm off, he would meet the Doctor, and then kiss him. He never accused the Doctor of being one of the Chuldur. In fact, they were able to find all of the Chuldur quite promptly with Rogue’s foreknowledge. The Doctor and Jenny would have a tearful reunion, Jenny and Ruby would be thick as thieves, the day would be saved without any additional deaths, and the Doctor would invite them onto the TARDIS. As soon as he stepped into the TARDIS; however, he would find himself right back where he started, with Jenny in the hallway, meeting his past self.
During that third time is when he finally spoke with Jenny about it, drawing her to the side and speaking in hushed tones.
“I know, dad. I remember too,” Jenny rested her hand comfortingly on Rogue’s shoulder.
“Did you—then why—”
“Why have I let it keep happening?” Jenny replied with a laugh. “Because this is the timeloop that has given me both of my dads, together, and happy,” she shrugged. “Do I really need another reason?”
Despite their knowledge that no matter what they did would result in only another loop, Rogue and Jenny continued on with the process, until the Doctor himself put a stop to it.
They were approaching the TARDIS yet again. If a spaceship shaped like a police box could roll its eyes, Rogue was certain that she would be doing so at them. Ruby stepped into the box, but before the three of them could follow the Doctor snapped his fingers and it closed before they could enter. He leaned against the machine, arms crossed and hip cocked, a thoughtful look on his face.
“So, how many times have we done this now?” The Doctor asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Done what?” Rogue asked, heart racing.
“You knew everything that was going to happen here, down to the last second. You know me, you know Ruby, but I’ve never met you before, Rogue, and I haven’t seen Jenny in… far too long. You aren’t from my future, not exactly. The two of you are in a time loop. I can see the vortex energy swirling around you. What is going on?”
Rogue wished he knew what to say, but whatever words he had were stuck in his throat, and he could not bring himself to meet the Doctor’s eyes.
Jenny cleared her throat. “We’ve been looking for you. For a while now and… this is the only place we knew you would be. We didn’t exactly mean to arrive when we did. It just sort of… happened. And we probably should have found a way to stop it but it has just been so nice to see you after all of this time.”
“Oh Jen,” the Doctor pulled her into a hug and kissed her forehead. “You know I love you, and I want to know you. But it clearly isn’t our time yet.”
“But when will it be our time? I miss you,” Jenny sniffled, tucking her face into his chest.
“I’ve missed you too. But it’s clear that tonight needs to go a certain way, or time wouldn’t be looping in on itself like this. What happened, can you tell me?” He looked to Rogue, who finally brought himself to meet the Doctor’s eyes.
“This is the night you and I met,” Rogue replied, feeling almost helpless at the inevitability of this moment. “I didn’t lie when I said that Jenny rescued me from a hell dimension and we began travelling to find you. But I left out that I was only in the hell dimension because tonight is the night that I sacrifice myself so that I’ll be banished alongside the Chuldur instead of Ruby, who had gotten trapped.”
“You left out the part where you proposed marriage and how you sent a dramatic message to him while trapped that helped him save the universe from collapsing,” Jenny mumbled.
The Doctor’s eyebrows raised. “Our impending marriage aside—” the Doctor winked at Rogue, who was regretting the fact that he had disclosed to Jenny the whole mess with how he panicked and went down on one knee in front of a bunch of 19th century nobles. “—clearly there is a lot that will happen in the future that relies on this night going a certain way.”
The Doctor glanced at the TARDIS, where Ruby was likely confused at what was taking them so long. It was not that he felt comfortable risking her, but if this night went the way it was supposed to, she would be fine.
“Some things are fixed in time. That’s likely why this loop has been placed in motion—to give you both time to accept that.”
Jenny reluctantly broke away from the Doctor’s arms. The Doctor stepped into Rogue’s space, cradling his cheek. “I’m not sure what our futures have in store for us, but just from what has happened with this version of tonight, I feel as though you are worth waiting for.”
The Doctor gave Rogue a soft kiss before backing away. “Go back to the way things were,” the Doctor paused, “and find me.”
Jenny and Rogue watched as the Doctor stepped into the TARDIS, and the ship dematerialized. Sighing, Jenny took out the vortex manipulator, and Rogue grabbed hold. In the blink of an eye they had returned back to the moment that River had first given it to them.
“What are you doing here?” Rogue the Younger asked, Jenny the Younger also staring at them suspiciously.
“Crossing the timelines like this cannot mean anything good,” Jenny the Younger hummed.
“It’s easier if we just show you,” Jenny the Elder sighed, and in a quick, synchronized movement, she and Rogue both grabbed the wrists of their younger selves. There was a spark and a pop and suddenly there was only one Rogue, one Jenny, and one River standing in the living room of their London apartment.
“I assume everything went well, then?” River asked, amused.
“How much of what happened did you know was gonna happen?” Rogue asked, tiredly.
“I only know what you told me,” River shrugged. “You tried to go back in time. To fix your first meeting with the Doctor, and you failed to change a fixed point in time.”
“Fixed points in time are the worst,” Jenny sighed. “I just want to spend time with my dads together, is that so much to ask?” Jenny grabbed her favorite blanket off the couch and curled up under it. River sat next to her and gently began carding her fingers through Jenny’s hair. Rogue sat on the armchair, rubbing his head as he did his best to avoid his mounting headache from the lack of sleep.
“Did I ever tell you about my wedding to the Doctor?” River mused.
“You and the Doctor are married?” Rogue sat up straight, startled out of his own melancholy. “And he—”
“I’m gonna stop you right there,” River held up the hand that wasn’t running through Jenny’s hair. The poor girl had fallen asleep. “The Doctor and I have never been exclusive, and also I’m long past dead by the time he met you. I’ve made my peace with it,” River shrugged. “The Doctor has had many loves across their lifetimes. It’s a gift to be one of them,” she scratched her head in thought. “Or a curse. But either way it’s worth it.”
“Alright,” Rogue replied slowly. “So, tell me about your wedding, I guess?”
“My wedding,” River began carefully, “technically never happened.”
River laughed at Rogue’s confused expression. “I tried to change a fixed point in time,” River shrugged. “I was born and raised and trained to believe that it was my destiny to kill the Doctor.”
“Your parents—”
“Oh my bio parents were actually quite fond of the Doctor. My mother was kidnapped and experimented on while pregnant; and then after she gave birth I was stolen away and raised in captivity, eventually regenerating and growing up with my bio parents as my childhood friends and my guardians raising me to hate the Doctor and see his death as my birthright.”
“I—”
“And then I got shot by Hitler and regenerated again and killed the Doctor but then used up all of my regenerations to save him before going off to do my own thing, before the people who kidnapped me as a baby trapped me in an astronaut suit and took me to the 1960s—”
“What the fuck is happening right now?” Rogue muttered to himself.
“But then I fought the suit, didn’t kill the Doctor, and time broke.”
“Time… broke?” Rogue asked, feeling a little broken himself.
“Yeah, the universe lowkey fell apart and then the Doctor found a loophole and I went to prison for a murder I never actually committed, but it was actually a pretty cushy joint and I could leave pretty much whenever I wanted.”
“What does any of this have to do with marriage?” Rogue asked, his brain fighting information overload. “And I’m sorry, did you just say that you were shot by Hitler?”
“Don’t worry about it,” River replied dismissively. “This is all to say, that I know what it’s like to love the Doctor, and how difficult and how strange that can be. But they’re worth it.” River leaned down and pressed a kiss to Jenny’s head before carefully standing up and setting Jenny’s head on a pillow. “Now, I won’t be seeing you again, I’ve got a date at the library, but you’ll be seeing me. Don’t forget to tell me all the stuff I’ve told you, or time will break again, and while I’m not upset you and the Doctor are getting married, I think you deserve a better wedding than to be copying my greatest hits.”
“We’ll deserve a better what now?” Rogue croaked.
“Spoilers,” River winked, before pressing a few buttons on her vortex manipulator, and then she was gone.