in vobis veritas (in you there is truth)
Summary:
A love letter from Bucky to Clint in the form of a sestina.
Related to an yet-unpublished fic, but can be read alone as long as you read the author’s note for context and tbh is still enjoyable if you don’t!
Notes:
Yes, it’s another sestina. I’d apologize but these are actually really fun so… #SorryNotSorry. Anyway, today is day 3 of Flufftober, which means “in vino veritas”. Also, this fills my Y4: Canon Divergence square for the Bucky Barnes Bingo, my N2: [Bucky]-centric and O4: Caretaking squares of the Marvel Rare Pair Bingo, and my N5: Protective Bucky Barnes square for the WinterHawk Bingo.
A little context: this poem is Bucky reflecting on his relationship with Clint in a fic that (as of writing this poem) is still only an outline and a group chat, but I promise it’s gonna get posted eventually… In any case, all you really need to know for context is that Bucky broke his conditioning from being the Winter Soldier and proceeded to become a bit of an alcoholic about it; but because of being a super soldier (and because alcoholism isn’t the solution to depression & PTSD, source: I’ve tried it, didn’t help just trust me bro), it couldn’t do as much to numb the pain of it all; and ultimately he ended up stumbling upon Clint, who was still in his circus era; and they helped each other process a lot of their trauma and began their healing journeys alongside one another.
Thanks as always to tinysugacube for her grammatical prowess, as well as to Marvin for his official seal of approval.
Translations for the Latin phrases “in vino veritas” vs “in vobis veritas” can be found in the end notes.
in vobis veritas (in you there is truth)
“In vino veritas”: in wine, there is truth.
Is it truth that we find at the bottom of a bottle?
Or does time slip through our fingers, lost
but for the way that we move together, become one
as our bodies intertwine and we find
that we are stronger united than apart.
I didn’t just fall off that train, I fell apart,
was unmade, until you helped me discover the truth
of who I am—who I can be. In you I find
not salvation, but companionship. Whereas the bottle
led me only to sorrows, one
after another, until again I was lost.
It’s not just that you found me when I was lost,
not just that you put back together who Hydra tore apart.
It’s that you remain the only one
with whom I can share my honest truth
where everyone else expects me to bottle
up my fears and doubts; and in your open heart, safety I find.
It’s so rare for people like us to find
love and comfort, people whose dreams were lost
long ago—trapped like a message in a bottle,
forever lost in the crashing waves of the sea, apart
from hope and away from the honest truth
of knowing “I am not the only one.”
Of knowing “I am not the only one
who has wondered if they will ever again find
peace and comfort in the truth
that I will not forever be lost,
that I will not forever be apart
from love, left alone with a bottle.”
Instead we find love in a different kind of bottle.
In small hands who reach, and you not the only one
I must protect, from whom I wish to never be apart.
Not the only person who knows how to find
the path to my heart, thought lost.
And this is my truth:
My love, in you I find clarity no bottle
I got lost in could provide. I do not wish for one
moment apart from our love. “In vobis veritas”: in you, there is truth.
End Notes
“In vino veritas” is a Latin phrase meaning “in wine, there is truth.” The idea behind it is that alcohol lowers inhibitions and opens people up to being more free about their emotions and what they say. Bucky, in this poem, changes it to “in vobis veritas” meaning “in you (plural)[1], there is truth.” By changing the phrase, he is saying that being with Clint and the family they are building together provides him with the opportunity to open up and be his true self, lowering the barriers for him discovering who that is. Thanks again to tinysugacube and also to my classics professor aunt who verified this translation because despite taking a semester and a half of Latin my skills remain limited lol.
[1] you (plural) is most accurately translated as “y’all” but also that is a bit too informal for this poem, so I’ve neglected to do so here.